A Dublin, California man spent several decades trying to unravel the mystery of why his Venetian blinds were tangled in his master bedroom. After buying his single-family home in 1957, Gordon Neely replaced all the gray window curtains with the foldable blinds.

In 1962, Neely noticed one of his blinds was always stuck on the right side when raising and lowering. The turning rod also didn’t work.

Neely commented, “I’ve been untangling these dang blinds for over sixty years straight. I couldn’t eat or sleep. These things should be illegal.”

This year, Neely replaced all his blinds with the same curtains he originally replaced. Unfortunately, a few days after this interview, Neely died in a tragic accident involving his window curtains. A police investigation is ongoing. Neely is survived by his wife Nancy and his three adult children Michael, Gordon Jr., and Kim.

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United States Air Force Colonel Barbara Cho, spokesperson for the Pentagon, made a shocking announcement today whether to reconsider their relationship with Santa after allegations of divulging classified information to a group of children during a Zoom meeting.

Stephen Willis, the father of a 14-year old daughter, were both present during the online call. He said during the interview, “It’s crazy. Santa’s face was bright red, his speech slurred, and he ranted that his sleigh was a prototype based on alien technology constructed at Area 51.”

Colonel Cho has denied all allegations of Santa’s sleigh being based on alien technology, that Area 51 exists, and that an alien craft landed on Roswell back in 1947. She referred to Project Blue Book, a decade long plus study that concluded all allegations of alien UFOs have been proven false.

In a final statement, Colonel Cho said, “We take this matter of national security seriously and hope to settle this matter for the sake of our children.”

DOJ spokesperson Assistant U.S. Attorney Michael Ana said that an investigation is underway and wouldn’t comment any further until the investigation is complete. He also said, “We’re also investigating the father, Mr. Willis, why his daughter still believes in Santa Claus.”

Santa declined an interview and has denied all allegations about the matter.

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On December 13th, approximately 8:35 p.m., multiple witnesses spotted Santa nearby the 4100 block of Walnut Drive in Pleasanton. This is the same street where the Candy Cane Lane Christmas Lights Drive/Walk-Through occurred. Since 1955, this cul-de-sac neighborhood portrays festive lights and music throughout the month of December.

Santa was observed siting in front of a residence greeting visitors. During an impromptu interview from the investigator’s vehicle, Santa ran away and was last seen heading west on Ray Street towards Downtown Pleasanton.

No pursuit was made due to traffic safety.

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A Santa sighting was confirmed at an East Bay Pre-K/Kindergarten school on December 10th, approximately 2:40 p.m. Witnesses saw Santa as he and a female helper elf left the school in a gray Mercedes Benz S350 after taking pictures with the students.

Assistant Principal, Shelly Stubert, made an official statement and said, “Santa is on a goodwill tour to meet, greet, and take pictures with our students. Nothing more.”

Parents were split about the meetup. Aliya B. said, “I think it’s great to have Santa visiting our schools despite his busy schedule.”

W.B. spoke out of anonymity for fear of backlash said, “Everyone knows Santa isn’t real. Why are we allowing some stranger in a Santa suit playing pretend to our kids?”

Santa and his helper declined an interview after being asked about his car, Mrs. Clause, and why they were working alone together.

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